On Hallucinations

When I’m braver, I’ll describe my hallucinations. What they looked like. What they sounded like. How they were all around me, every day, every night, how I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do anything without them being there –

But this is not that day. Think of this as Intro to Hallucinations 101, for those who’ve never had them, or never known anyone who had them. That’s fine; there’s no shame in not knowing. This is your opportunity to learn.

There are different kinds of hallucinations – visual, auditory, and tactile. I’ve experienced all three. They are exactly what their names suggest. You see visual; you hear auditory; you feel auditory. As an example – and here I go, talking about my own experiences when I said I wouldn’t! – when I halllucinated, I would see people in my apartment, in my bedroom. I would hear them talking to me. I would feel them touch me – and actual, physical touch. But when I called for help from someone else in the apartment (my mother, my brother), they’d look at me, puzzled. There’s nobody there, my mother or brother would say. There’s no-one. But such is the power of the sick brain that it can convince itself otherwise.

That’s the thing about mental illness. The brain, as an organ, is blind. It doesn’t realize when it’s sick. At the time, nobody realized I was ill… this was when I first started hearing/seeing/feeling hallucinations, and wasn’t on medication. That quickly changed. I’m much better now, and thank God for it. But if it wasn’t for the intervention of my family, I wouldn’t have realized that I was ill (which is also why having a strong support network is so important when you’re mentally ill!).

Thanks for the read. Questions? Comments? Let me know!

Published by writesclara

Writer. Licensed Practical Nursing student. Former Sexual Assault Specialist. Former Army Officer. Former Crisis Counselor.

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